So what's your excuse this time?

Yes I know another hiatus from the blogging world, not planned but it has gone that way. Time has just ran away from me, I've even taken a step back from social media for a while too. Sometimes you need to take a step back and sort your life out so you can be happy in your own space. Then decided that the space we live in we are no longer happy with.

 

For those who are new to my blog, I currently live with my in-laws after selling our house to keep afloat after knee injury and then getting pregnant with Bethany. We live in an annex attached to the main house with one bedroom, we are now quickly out growing this now Bethany is an inquistive toddler. However after reviewing where we live we cannot afford to stay where we are, I was deeply upset as this meant moving away from both our families who Beth sees on a weekly basis.

 

We picked an area that our family knew and went to look and do some research. The past few weekends have spent driving up 4 hours to Manchester/Leeds area to look around. We found that not only could we afford to live there, but with the kind of property we wanted. I am very mixed about it all at the moment, on one side it will be sad to leave my hometown but we would be in a house and start to settle into a family home rather than living from boxes.

 

My life currently consistent of sleep, look after Beth, and researching areas and houses. Tonight, with Hubby away looking at houses while I stayed for a friends Christening, is the first time I can sit down get time to blog away.

 

What does this mean? Changes again to my family and I need to clean out a flat of all the stuff I've been too idle to clean out! It also gives me something more to write about rather than, "I sat around in my PJ's and watched NowTV".

Mental Health Awareness Week; Mindfulness

This year's theme is Mindfulness, which is perfect timing as I have just started exploring this after reading Ruby Wax's book on the subject called Sane New World. Mindfulness just you to focus on the here and now using breathing techniques and meditation. Stop pulling that face, it's not a "new age" thing.

Mindfulness is not about clearing the mind, it helps people observe the way they think and feel about their experiences, whether good or bad. This can really change the way you manage and react to stressful situations, giving you a valuable tool to stay mentally healthy, and an ever-expanding body of evidence shows that it really works.

For me who suffers with anxiety and worry, it makes me acknowledge that I can experience these things and its normal for me. Once I labelled the emotion and the physical attributes it made it feel smaller.There are different versions, but the most common and most useful I've found is RAIN:

Recognize what is going on;
Allow the experience to be there, just as it is;
Investigate with kindness;
Natural awareness, which comes from not identifying
with the experience.

Mental Health Foundation is promoting a four week course with Be Mindful and most importantly it's free.They want to be able to introduce this as part of the range of therapies offered currently as it has been proved to be successful and will hopefully help people awaiting treatment.

For me, it has already helped more than CBT as I'm not going over past events which can make me feel more anxious. I find it's more soothing and I come out of it refreshed. I do as little or as much as I want, I also use Buddify app from Google Play (£1.99) which provides guided medications for different situations. It has been a revelation to my mental health.

Colds, Conjunctivitis and Ear Infections

This time last month, I had a tickle throat, thought nothing of it as it was hay fever season for me. It's part of the allergy for me, so I carried on. The next day it's developed into a cold, no problem I feel a bit rough for a few days and battle through. I really wish I knew what I knew now.

Hubby fell ill within 12 hours of my symptoms starting, we were fighting over the tissues as well as the cold. A few days came and went, we both still sniffling and getting worse. I waited to let it ride it's course until I woke up one morning with a crusted up eye and ear ache, got an emergency doctors appointment which then they took one look and said that conjunctivitis and ear infection. I was given eye drops and an ear spray to use for a week.

A week I did, the eye was better within days, but the ear got worse. As I now battling an infection, the cold hanged around so I was still blowing my nose still. One night my ear went pop, which is not unusual with a ear infection. A few days later I woke deaf on my left side with a swollen face and still not feeling any better. 

Back to the doctors to be told that I had burst my ear drum and the medication I had been given had spread the infection around my head. A course of antibiotics for a week cleared the infection but my hearing took weeks to return, the final part of the ringing finally went over a week ago.

During this time we had Easter, our wedding anniversary, my birthday and my husband's birthday which was quiet affairs as we both very ill (my husband was later diagnosed with a chest infection and has just finished his course of antibiotics). We took it in turns to rest and look after Bethany, we were constantly drained for our infections and medication. Bethany had sniffles for a few days and was fine the rest of the time, none of this touched her as bad as both of us (thankfully).

It wasn't all doom and gloom, we tried to make the most of the times we felt better and enjoy the sun and celebrations.

Feeding the ducks for Daddy's birthday

Why You Need to Quit This No Smoking Day

I have spoken on my own journey of quiting in I Used to be a Dirty Smoker I am not going to preach at you, because well that's not going to make you even considering quiting. I'll give you the facts and let you decide on your own.

For you

• Your sense of taste will return and you will enjoy the taste of food more.
• Your breathing and general fitness will improve.
• The appearance of your skin and teeth will improve.
• You'll be more confident in social situations because you won't smell of stale smoke any more.
• Your fertility levels will improve, along with your chances of having a healthy pregnancy and baby.
• You will save money - the average smoker has 13 cigarettes a day, which works out as 364 cigarettes a month. That's £141 a month and £1,696 a year that you could be saving by not smoking. 

For your Family

Children are particularly vulnerable to secondhand smoke, as they have less well-developed airways, lungs and immune systems. The best way to protect you and your family is to make your home and car smokefree.

It will be an offence to smoke in a private vehicle with someone under 18 years old present, and for a driver to fail to prevent smoking in a private vehicle with someone under 18 years old present. People who fail to comply could be issued with a £50 fixed penalty notice.

 I did it, and yes it wasn't easy, but the benefits as the taste and smell came back out did everything. There is a huge amount of support out there on NHS who can lend an ear, we are there to support  not judge.

You can also get more support on Smoke Free where you can claim a free quit kit to start you off

*This is NOT a sponsored post, I am a NCSCT Stop Cessation Supporter who specialises in mental health and an ex-smoker.

A Weighty Issue #4

via This Girl Can Campaign

When we last left this I was having in treatment and decided that trying to tackle both issues was simply not the best idea. I was discharged at the end of October and spent the rest of the time put the theory into practice.

Christmas came and I felt ready to get fitter and to start again. I logged back into My Fitness Pal (User name: Unevenlemming) as well as link up with the Fitbit app. I wanted to spend January tracking my everyday life, food and excerise, to see if there was any pattern or trigger that could be addressed.

I found this great motivation, I started to make changes before I planned. January was my daughter's 1st birthday and I knew there would be celebrations throughout so planned to start in February rather than fight temptation in Jan. I needed of worried, I was already making sutble changes, I decreased my potions, started to eat more balanced (as well as making sure I eat), walked more and if I wasn't leaving the house that day using the stationary bike.

I lost 4lbs in January with slight changes (3lbs in two weeks!), and I'm trying to put in some activity 5 times a week.

Now it's February, I've set up a great base to evolve from but now it's time to step it up a bit. I got myself a fitness tracker, brought off of eBay for £28, it's UP by Jawbone. It tracks my activity as well as my sleeping patterns as this can play a part in what you crave to eat. As I've only just got it, it's still early days with my new friend.

I am very geared up for the challnage of getting fitter, because that's my aim is to get fit. Beth is now more mobile and I want to be able to keep up with her. If I lose some weight too, brilliant, an nice extra bonus.

Christmas 2014 and New Year in Unevenlemming Household

I do not know who was more excited about Christmas, Bethany or I. She actually slept her way through until the morning without waking, to her it was a normal start, a bit of warm porridge, followed by CBeebies and a bit of Mum's croissant. We had agreed that we want to open at least one present as a family before heading towards my parents. We had got her a stocking with her name on and let her grab the one she wanted to open, she was nervous at first because when she normally shreds paper - we tell her off!

We soon headed to my family (minus brother who was dying of flu) and opened presents there, as predicted Bethany rather wanted to play with the mounds of wrapping paper than any of her presents! A quick cup of tea and we left them to go back home and have Christmas lunch with the in-laws, then it was more presents. We still had the rest of ours to open as well as other relatives and close family. 2 hours later and we were finally done! Hubby and I was exhausted, and thankfully around 9pm so was Beth.

Hubby had the rest of the week and a bit off so we have been enjoying some family time together, with Beth and essentially without her. We done some clearing and I've even managed to grab some lie ins while Hubby has some Daddy/daughter time. For New Year we stayed at home, I put my feet up and saw the New Year in with a couple of beers before bed around 1.30am.

It has been a good time, and it's given some time for both of us to think about what we want to gain out of the next year. There are things that will be changing because without change we cannot grow. We have already started the celebrations of Bethany's 1st birthday over the weekend by treating grandparents and great grandparents as a thank you for all their support in her first year. She had chocolate for the first time, a bit of cake and lots of attention.

 This past year has gone in a flash and it was different to how I planned. It was good having time away from blogging as I did miss it and was not as stressed thinking that I hadn't blogged anything. I was at the point of stopping it all as it was adding stress rather than being my stress reliever. I finally feel that my life is a little more on track rather than hurtling along at a rate of knots. I do not usually make resolutions as I never stick to them but there are changes I would like to make:

Stop being stuck to my mobile - Yes, it's great for capturing moments with Beth, but it's time i start living them.
Turn off the TV - Because playtime is much more fun!
Get my drivers license - I did fail my theory on 29th by one point, gutted, but it's been re booked and I WILL PASS!
Spent more time with Hubby (without Beth) - We are planning one night a month to dress up and go out together to let off some steam.
These are the most important to me, I've already seen a change as we have start to make changes before New Year. After the downs of last year, I do feel that 2015 is going to be a vintage year.

Why I am Boycotting anyone who uses YODEL

Every Christmas I always buys and makes presents, this year I am planning to do something different from my usual biscuits/truffles and needed a food processor for this. I had some Tesco vouchers left over as well as they are doing their double value if you spend on them on certain things like kitchen appliances.

I ordered it and it had said about 5 days so I waited. I got text message and an email from Tesco apologising that there will be a delay as they were busy, it's Christmas if they weren't busy I would of been more worried. A few days later I got a dispatched email and the following day I had a text from the courier saying that they would be there between 12am and 9pm.

8.50pm and I'm calling Texco customer line (who are open until 11pm), after a 10 minute got an apologies and a £5 credit to my account as an apology. They said it was likely that the driver ran out of time and I was on the delivery list tomorrow. I cancelled my plans for the next day and stayed in with Beth.

8.55pm came and I was on the phone again, this time a little less understanding. They only had an email from the delivery an hour before saying that there was a four day delay on my delivery, that was sitting snugly in a warehouse lock up somewhere. I was off, "So when was I going to be told?" etc. More apologies, then I asked who their courier was - YODEL.

I might as well give up seeing my food processor ever again or delivered in one piece.

I am now waiting for my delivery to finally appear, as yet they cannot give me a day/time as to when I finally get my delivery. I am also waiting for Tesco customer service to contact so I can lodge a formal complaint about using YODEL as the clever people of YODEL do not have a customer service department. I have a theory that there is a very good reason for that.

From now I am not buying for any company that uses YODEL, I have had enough of the lack of communication, the disrespect for the customers their serve, and the disregard for the packages they deliver. I was recommended to look at a Twitter account called YODELHell which then led me to their website (YODELhell.co.uk) a collection of horror stories from users and staff. Those should be enough to stop using them.

I actually ordered clothing from Tesco's a few days afterwards and they arrived earlier than anticipated by Hermes courier. This I was surprised as those who were reading last year would know I had my own issues with them (For those who want to re-visit New Look and the Missing Hermes Delivery)

For now I shall wait and hope.

Migraines - Please tell me it gets better from here?

The past two weeks I have been suffering daily with migraines, other sufferes will know that even one attack can knock you out energy wise for days, I have been suffering from them from the late 90's, in my teens I had symtons of a stoke while I was at home. It turns out that the numbness in the side, loss of speech and blurred vision was an aura miraine.

At first I got told painkillers and rest when an attck happens, as the number of attacks increased I was put on preventive medication called Imigran. You would spray this up your nose at the first signs of an attack, for me this failed I ended up feeling so out of it that I was sent home from work after going an a rant about the word 'nice' in my drug soaked state.

I continued to carry on for a few more years until April last year, when I suffered my worst attack. I was rushed to hospital after it was suspected that, yet again, I was having a storke this time I had all the symtoms as well as I lost my memory for four hours. I forgot what day it was, who was the prime minister and even what I just had for tea.

I was recommnded to go to the doctors and get investigated, all they did was put me on beta blockers to prevent attacks long term. He was shocked that I had no been anything long term after looking at my medical history. I was prescribed Propranolol, once a day in a low dose to help curb attacks. In the short term it did, but the side effects were the worst, I would wake up in the night screaming from nightmares. I then found out I was pregant and had to stop taking them anyway.

I took them for a short time after Beth's birth, as well as returned onto my pill, Cerazette, I started to get headaches and migraines. Being a tired new mum, I thought it was down to the odd hours I was having due to a newborn baby. Now Beth is 9 months, I decided taht it can't just be tha and saw the doctor. 

We now have a new theory that this is the tablets I am taking, so now I need to find an alternative, if this doesn't work then we try something else. For now I live everyday with the thinking that I might/might not get an attack and pray it's on the days that I have nothing important I need to do.

What's your migraine story?

A Weight Issue 3 and Aniexty Update

 I decided to put these together as they have recently gone hand in hand during the past few months.

Regular readers would know that I my Aunt passed away at the end of July after her fight with cancer. This was a trigger for the start of the roller coaster of the past few months. I decided to self refer to my local mental health place, You can read the start of that in Hello Anxiety, My Old Friend. In my grief I stopped giving a damn about my eating habits and health, this lead to me eating my feelings rather than dealing with them.

It wasn't until I was half way through my treatment that I decided to weigh myself again. I had put on a stone in two months (13 stone 6lbs), I just wasn't surprised but the key reason I did weight myself is that I was ready to try and get myself back on track. I know my biggest downfall was just eating for the sake of eating and what ever I wanted rather than what I needed. I stopped going out and thus stop exercising, I now have cleaned off our static bike so at least if I'm struggling to get out I can get some exercise at home.

My treatment is progressing, I am happy to say that in the next few weeks my one-to-one time will be coming to a close and I will be on self treatment. I have been using a private self treatment programme, which I will be posting a review of in the next few days. With anxiety I will never be 'cured', it is all a matter of rethinking how I process situations and taking each day as it comes.

Thank you all for the ongoing support.

When Viruses Attack

The past few days have been long, full of tests and worrying. My poor baby has been sick with a severe infection and at one point I thought i'd lost them. We are now up to the point where it is on the final test to make sure everything is all clear.

My computer is pulling through.

The other night I decided to float around the interner and download a few things for the blog,I went to a few different websites and downloaded a few templates to add to my site. I did try them but didn't like them and have gone back to the previous ones, logged off for the night and all was fine.

Next afternoon I had a list of jobs to do online, got Bethany amused in front of me and settled down with a cuppa. Opened my browser and I know my google homepage was different, no problem ran an antivirus and it found nothing, but still it remains. Anti installed the browsers (because I tried more than one and they were all the same) and texted Hubby to ask for his assistance. He asked for £80, I told him if he ever wants dinner/clean shirts/me to be at home when he got home to stop being cheeky. This at the time was me thinking, a few hours and it'll be dealt with.

3 days later, 7 virus/spywear 4/5 hour scans and 1 google account lock out later we are looking like we are back up and running. I never realised how much of my life rolves around my black box, I had a panic attack the first night when my google account was locked and was in tears, not only is that my blog lost but also all my photos of Bethany, thankfully I had activiated all the security so was able to retrieve everything back.

This is a few morals to this tale:

1. Back up everything regually
2. Activiate all the security features
3. Don't download random things off of sites from Twitter. And 
4. If you unziip a file rescan it as the virus is hiding in it.

Hello Aniexty, my old friend

 

You will have to bear with me on this post, it's the one I've been putting off for a while but until I started the journey I didn't feel right enough to talk about it.

Last week I had it confirmed that my anxiety was official back with low moods thrown in for good measure. Since, Beth has been born my moods have not been consistent and I put this down to after birth hormones, then going back on to the pill. My life has also not be consistent: with a new baby, Hubby getting/losing/getting work, money not being consistent, my aunt that I was close to passing away and feeling claustrophobic in our flat because I spend a lot of time in it.

This all came to a head about two weeks back the Thursday before my BIL' s wedding, I was washing baby bottles and suddenly felt I was drowning and the walls were caving in. I couldn't breathe and I just thinking that everything was too much, I knew full well I well I was in the midst of a panic attack, my first in several years. Looking back, I had been out of sorts for nearly a week, very spaced out, not able to concentrate and just having no motivation to do more than the bare minimum to ensure that Beth is looked after.

After the wonderful weekend, I decided that I am not as happy or as myself as I am and thought I do a self referral back to where I did my previous treatment. If they think I'm fine then at least I've got myself 'checked' and that is that. The form wants to know my previous mental health history (Briefly - Depression 2005 treated with face-to-face sessions, Depression/Anxiety 2011 treated with computer training), how I am feeling now and what situations am I struggling with. This is then sent off to my referral people (I'm part of Bucks NHS which run Healthy Minds as their mental health treatment system), and a few days later got a phone call from them to speak through the form and see how they can help. They also gave me my results of the tests on the forms.

They concluded that my anxiety was very high and that my moods were low producing a circle that I was finding it hard to get out of. They offered telephone counselling so I did not have to worry about finding someone to babysit Beth and feel comfortable in my own home. They also asked my HV to give me a visit as part of my worrying is how I am looking after Beth as her weight was still an issue which causes me panic of am I feeding her enough? I had this visit on the Monday, she was happy with Beth's development even though her weight has dipped. The Thursday following was my first session with my counsellor.

We did the tests again (they use these to measure progress so I will have these every time), and went over what she is there for as well as my history and just letting me talk on why I asked for help. At the time Beth was in her high chair next to me, gurgling away after lunch, I know without having her then I will be in bed feeling sorry for myself. This, of course, this upset me, not only am I doing this for me but for Beth so her Mummy can be there for her. At the moment I have a scheduled appointment with her once a week as well working through workbooks during the week.

I did see my doctor, through Healthy Minds they got me an appointment the same day and discussed treatment going forward. I have turned down medication, I am very mixed on using medication after having some migraine beta blockers that were also anti-anxiety pills. I took these for two months and I woke up screaming in sweats, thinking that Bethany was not breathing. I know that they are there if I need them, I also have a note on my file to say that if I request an appointment to have one as soon as possible (which is my doctors is a blessing!).

The moment I emailed the referral over I felt a weight has lifted, I'm saying that things are back to normal, we have a long way before I can say that, but they starting to feel on the right path.

Entry 300

Blog entry 300 is dedicated to my little family, the long suffering Hubby and Bethany aka Minilemming, the only things that are keeping me going at the moment.

Over the weekend we added another member to the Gray family as my Brother in Law married his long term girlfriend after the civil ceremony on Friday. As you can tell by the quietness it's been madness, but worth every minute.

I wrote in Entry 200 how I and the blog was going through changes, the time it was going from being just a beauty blog to more of a everything blog. I wanted to be able to talk about more things that matter to me, and I knew this more when Bethany came along. I always said that when she was born I knew there was more to life than lipstick.

I am currently going through a tough time, Hubby has finally gone back to work after a year of being out of it, leaving me without the support net I've grown used to.The passing of my aunt has hit me enormously, it's the first close relative I have lost as an adult and mixed with other anxieties I've made the decision to ask for help rather than work through things on my own. When I feel ready I will write about this more but for now I'm only at the start of another journey.

Febreze Sleep Easy Range #Sleephappy

I've just completed 6 weeks of using Febreze Sleep Serenity on behalf of Super Savvy Me testing board. I got given a kit with some money off vouchers as well as a bottle of each scent to try out over the weeks before going to bed.

As being a new Mum sleep is not only vital but also it is broken up as we care for our babies. I was sleeping OK but finding it hard to switch off and fall asleep as I reel off lists of things that need to be done or worrying that Beth is not breathing etc. I was eager to try these out and see if they could give me more of a restful sleep.

They come in three fragrances:

• Moonlit Lavender - Famous for it soothing and relaxing properties.
• Quiet Jasmine -Is an anti depressant and relaxes jangled nerves.
• Warm Milk and Honey - A hug in the spray, deeply comforting.

They also contain the Febreze technology that eliminates odours so all you can smell is the fragrance.

Working with the National Sleep Foundation to offer all the partakers advice on how to improve their nights sleep. We need sleep to recharge our brain, improve our mood and be creative and we should be looking at between 6-8 hours a night. It is recommended for this to to have a routine to wind down for the evenings rest. This can be from reading to taking a bath, but it is recommended that you avoid technology an hour before bed because of the light emitted from it can mimic daylight and keep you awake.

With this in mind, I changed the sheets (fresher sheets always feel better) and sprayed different ones each week to see what worked as well as what was preferred. I also sprayed it on the far side of the room before settling Bethany to sleep to also see if it would settle her down.

I tried to keep to the same bedtimes as possible, Hubby and I agreed that an hour before bed we spend some time together winding down and worked a routine that would help me wind down. A hour before Beth's bedtime I work spray the room and it would still be there when we went to bed a few hours later. I did on the whole sleep a lot more soundly and found it easier to fall asleep.

Out of the scents I tried so far I liked this range the most, Hubby preferred Milk and Honey, I liked Quiet Jasmine and Beth slept better with the Moonlit Lavender. As well as the sprays there is plug in and reed diffusers, all available at your local supermarket.

To My Aunt

Here's Ferris again

Last Friday my Aunt lost her fight with the scum that is cancer, I am incredible mixed emotions about the whole thing. She increasingly and quickly got very ill towards the end and it is a relief that she is no longer suffering, but on the other hand I feel so much guilt that I didn't spend more time with her. 

I spent a many Saturday morning of my younger years at her house after my dance classes watching video tapes of The Simpson's that she had taped the previous week off of cable. She was a heavy smoker so the house was always filled with smoke and I complained constantly that I hated it. When I grew I no longer was obligated to go round and only saw her at family occasions (but she still taped The Simpson's until we got Sky ourselves).

She contracted Lung cancer about 4ish years ago after a medical, half a lung was removed and the smoking went. It wasn't until the beginning of the year that we were told it was back, she went under treatment but the cancer had already grabbed hold and she decided that she would rather nature takes it course rather than spend the rest of the time she had ill from treatment that might not even work.

We never did a formal goodbye, one day we went round, let her have cuddles with Beth and had a chat over tea. She was the same as she always been, opinionated, passionate but caring (complaining that the hospital can't get a bed right as it made noise during the night). My Aunt is extremely caring she spent all of the time I've known her being a carer for someone, my grandad, her partner, neighbours. 

I've been told in the funeral on Monday that there is 55 people confirmed as coming, which shows just how much influence she had. 

I cannot focus at the moment, I am completely numb to it all. I know Monday is going to be a long day with the out pouring of grief. I am very thankful that I have had Beth to focus on, she's doing so many new things that I cannot wait to write her update (it will be late as Monday is also her 6 months). Bear with me if I disappear off the radar for a while, thank you to all the companies I am working with who have been great when I've explained the situation. 

I will be hoovering around Twitter and reading blogs just because it's a great distraction from it all. Thank you to everyone who has sent wishes so far. Go and hug someone, tell them you love them, share a little love tonight.

"Keep your chin up, someday there will be happiness again. You’ll see. –Robin Hood"

A Weighty Issue - Update 1

I previously wrote about my desire to try and start losing some weight in the original A Weighty Issue.

I started by downloading My Fitness Pal (User name: Unevenlemming) to monitor what a was eating to give myself a large shock as well as motivation. My milkshake craving, left over from my pregnancy, was coming in at 400 + each time, is a meal in itself. I also started looking for substitutes for things I like everyday, I found a lower calorie packet of crisps (Walkers Squares, around 99 a packet) and chocolate with whipped nougat centre (ASDA Own Whirly Bites at 74 calorie a fun size bar).

The first two weeks I lost 6lbs, which I was overjoyed about. The following week was tougher, I was volunteering at Newly New Sale so even through I was running around and took a packed lunch with me, there was still a huge amount of cake around. When I needed a sugar hit instead of fighting it, I hit the cake. I've now noticed this is my weakness at the moment. I go to a few baby groups during the week, they all have biscuits/cakes as much as you can eat and I do. I also was at a children's birthday party yesterday and it was mostly cake and sweet things.

I weighed myself again on Friday and I had put back on 3lbs, I hoped I would stay steady but I was not surprised when I saw I had put weight on. My mission for the next few weeks is to resist cake or at the very least be sensible with how much I was eating. I am planning to walk more, I do walk where I can but I'm sure I can sneak some more in and the static bike has been cleared so I can also use that as well now. Beth also wakes at 6am more now and will stay up, I know I am finding this tiring and its making me craving more sugar, I need to make sure that I get enough rest to adapt to this change.

I know there still some way to go and yes I am making small changes at a time. In a few months time I will be returning back to work part time so that will throw another spanner in the works. For now, it's seeing what changes I can make.

Being a Volunteer for NCT

In March my local NCT (National Children Trust) sent an email out asking for people who had a few hours spare to help. I replied saying I was interested and it was suggested that I come to a monthly meeting to find out more of a role I was interested in, by the end of the meeting I was voted in on the committee I was that eager to join.

The NCT was launched in 1956 and it aims to give new parents (whether it's their first or beyond child) an accurate and impartial information in the first 1,000 days of their child's life. They also campaign for better rights, care and facilities for maternity and new parents, with back up from in house research. Also provides support through their online website, helpline, courses, parenting groups and Nearly New Sales. This is open to everyone.

As a new Mum I know how lonely and daunting it came be, even 5 months down the line it still can overwhelm me. I wanted to use what little experience I had to reassure other Mums as well as be able to pick other Mum's brains too. It also gave me an opportunity to use the skills I had from admin and customer service to make sure I till kept my own grey cells working while I was away from work.
I am the Membership Co-ordinator, which to put it simple is a jack of all trades and master of none. If you email our district a high majority of the time it will be me, I am there to make sure that members get what they need as well as send out emails and mails on what is going on in the district. I also admin our Facebook page for the High Wycombe District. Membership means that we can have a consistent income so we can carry on the work that we do, it also gives member early access to the Nearly New Sales (which is why I was a member in the first place, guiltily).

I've now been doing the role for just coming on 3 months and its been really rewarding. I even got over my anxiety of meeting new people to run one of our Bumps and Babies parenting groups for not just one week but two. This weekend I also did my first Nearly New Sale as a volunteer, not only was it busy, hard work and tiring but it was really enjoyable, we raised lots of money for our Breastfeeding clinic about to open in September and I scored some amazing bargains! (Stokke Tripp Trapp RRP £200 with accessories, got it for £45!)

Without the people stepping forward and volunteering the district nearly closed this year, thankfully we didn't, however that is a huge amount of people who would of lost vital support. Volunteering takes about a few hours of my time during the busier periods, which I work round Beth's sleeping pattern. For those few hours I feel that if I can reach one person then it makes a huge difference.

A Weighty Issue

I had been weighing myself every two weeks since I been going to playgroup, I had lapsed the past few weeks and today had my 50p to use the Boots machine as we have no scales at home (and I think if we did I'd be on them all the time). Did the usual nonsense, "Stand on the platform, head straight and stand still", and was shocked to the display, I was nearly the same weight when I was 36 weeks pregnant at 12 stone 11lb (81.5kg).

I am heavier now than when I started trying to lose weight the previous time. I logged into my fitness pal app and said that the last time I logged on I was 80.8kg (about 12 stone 10lbs) and was on track to lose more when I got pregnant. Recently, I've noticed my trousers are much tighter and the wobbly belly I had from birth is much more wobbly than before. I think I might of even found a new stretch mark.

My mojo has also gone, I just feel like a big wobbly lump.

There is a beautiful Jasmine Guinness dress hanging in my wardrobe, I brought it a few years ago and it hangs there with the tags still on. My bother in law is getting married in August and my aim is to be able to wear it (it's a generous size 14, while I'm currently 16/18), this gives me 8 weeks to try but this is not about trying to fit into a dress, but also to get my mojo back and get healthy that I can look after Beth for longer as well as when she's older that I can play with her and not get tired.

First a few admissions:

I am secret eater - I will be out on my own and 'treat' myself to all the things that are just sugar and fat, I hide this from Hubby.
I'm lazy - I'm normally get to the evening and can't be bothered to cook, even though I am not a bad cook. I stuff things on a tray and cook it (normally something with chips).
I currently crave sugar - I know this is because of my sleep pattern, and I didn't realise how common it was in Mums with newborns until I researched.
I'm a vegetarian who is fussy about veg and does not eat fruit - The biggest thing to change, epesically  as Beth is now so close to the age of being weaned and I will need to lead by example.

Ch-Ch-Changes

I literally will have to 'wean' myself onto vegetables at the very least, actually Beth's weaning books have been really helpful about nutrition and I've been hitting the recipes book to find more appealing veggie meals.
I've already re-downloaded My Fitness Pal app, and uploaded today's eatings which was very depressing reading. This will give an idea of how on track I am, I'm unevenlemming on there if you want to see the progress or be my cheerleader.
I've noticed my portion sizes have started increase again, I need to reign these in.
The one that everyone says, drink more water and make sure I carry a bottle around with me so I fulfil this.
Find some more exercise that is enjoyable as well as good at strengthening my muscles so I can make my back stronger.

Most of all I want to be happier with my body, and I am not at the moment. There is in black and white, now I have no excuses!

My Life with Anxiety

I was diagnosed with anxiety alongside depression about 3 years ago when I lost my job through injury. I was low in mood, found it hard to concentrate on anything as well start getting panic attacks when I wanted to leave the house. I was constantly worrying about money, our home, not being able to find work and this get escalated anything that would of been small into a huge deal to me.

In the end I realised I was sabotage myself in an endless cycle - I was applying for jobs, getting an interview but be so nervous I'd either completely fail it or cancel and never re-arrange. It affected my marriage and my relationship with my friends, in the end I felt I was on a downward slope and wanted a hand before it was too late.

I first of all went to my doctors, spoke about my thoughts and feelings as well as what I wanted going forward. I was set against medication as a first choice, I wanted to try other avenues before going down that road. I referred to NHS Health Minds where I was put on a computer based CBT course as well as regular contact with a counsellor over the phone. Through another charity called Blurt (blurtitout.org) I also got a email mentor that I can email whenever I need to.

I started getting really bad migraines this time last year, the worst was losing my memory and being rushed into hospital with a suspected stroke. I started getting them everyday and went instantly to my doctor who gave me  Propranolol beta blockers, which I found out later are also prescribed to treat anxiety too.

The next biggest anxiety milestone was when I found out I was pregnant, not only it was a joyous time but like any new mum I was anxious that I would be a good enough mum for my little one. As my maternity notes had that I had had a history of mental illness I was kept an eye on and always asked how I was coping. I also had a mental health assessment after birth to assess for PND (Post Natal Depression) as I was at higher risk.

I was told however that I was taking motherhood in my stride and in some cases I was told I looked like I had been doing it for years. This did not mean I did not get episodes, there were times where I would cry as I didn't know what was wrong with Beth. I do need reassurance like any new mum, I had to stop my beta blockers when I found out I was pregnant but have now returned back on them. They do help with the migraines and have noticed that my anxiety symptoms are less, however the side effects of nightmares and insomnia will be something I hope can decrease as I take them.

Mental Health Awareness Week

Anxiety is the most common mental disorder. A low level of anxiety for short periods of time say for a job interview is healthy. When we talk about anxiety as a mental health issue it is when a fear of a perceived threat or worry is ongoing and life consuming. 

Chronic anxiety can affect concentration,  damage relationships and stop people from leaving the house. It is something that is not a trivial issue,  anxiety can stop you living life but is treatable. 

Spotting anxiety and its affects is the first step. There are both physical and psychological symptoms:

Physical

 –Rapid and/or irregular heartbeat

– Fast breathing

– Weakened/tense muscles

– Sweating

– Churning stomach/loose bowels

– Dizziness

– Dry mouth

Psychology

 – Feeling worried all the time

– Trouble sleeping

– Lack of concentration

– Feeling irritable

– Feeling depressed

– Loss of self-confidence

 It is hard to live with anxiety, its all about you controlling it rather than it controlling you. It is not a matter of deciding that you will not be anxious anymore, There are many charities that offer simple and piratical resources if and when you choose to receive help with how to handle live with anxiety. 

Mental Health Foundation - mentalhealth.org.uk

Anxiety UK - anxietyuk.org.uk

Anxiety Care -  anxietycare.org.uk

Be Mindful -  bemindful.co.uk

Mind - Mind.org.uk

Tomorrow I will talk about my journey with anxiety, being a new mum with it and how I am coping now.

Eating Disorders in Formula One and How To Spot it Yourself

Tucked amonest the news headlines and race resuts was this, "F1 driver admits he starved himself so badly he had to be treated in hospital after team bosses urge race stars to lose weigh" (Daily Mail 7th April 2014). Jean-Eric Vergne admitted that he was admitted to hospital after the opening race in Australia after a strict weight loss regieme ordered by his Toro Rosso team to comply with the new strict FIA ruling on the total weight of driver and car combined.

The drivers have criticised that FIA that the minmum 692 kg is far too low. Tall drivers like Adrian Sutil will refuse to drive races without a water bottle, risking his health with the high hidimities in the car. 

Nico Rosberg has started dieting to keep his edge, 'I had to make the sacrifice if I want to balance the car perfectly,' he said. 'The diet alone is easy, but training with little food is hell,' Rosberg told Germany's Bild am Sonntag. 'I have eaten no sugar since early December -- for my dream I'm living like a monk'.

This is however nothing new, the increase of eating disorders in males are on the increase due to pressure of society on our lives. Eating disorders are the same as mental disorders - they do not discriminate between gender, race, etc. A high protion of men do not reconise or seek help for them so the statitstics on men is as consistants as women, where it is more reconised quicker and more treatment geared towards.

If you answer two or more 'yes' below then it is recommended to see you GP (Take from NHs Choices website and will be the same that they will use):

• Sick: Do you ever make yourself sick because you feel uncomfortably full?
• Control: Do you worry you have lost control over how much you eat?
• One stone: Have you recently lost more than one stone (six kilograms) in a three-month period?
• Fat: Do you believe yourself to be fat when others say you are too thin?
• Food: Would you say that food dominates your life?

 What to look for in people you are concerned about

• missing meals
• complaining of being fat, even though they have a normal weight or are underweight
• repeatedly weighing themselves and looking at themselves in the mirror
• making repeated claims that they have already eaten, or they will shortly be going out to eat somewhere else
• cooking big or complicated meals for other people, but eating little or none of the food themselves
• only eating certain low-calorie foods in your presence, such as lettuce or celery
• feeling uncomfortable or refusing to eat in public places, such as a restaurant
• the use of "pro-anorexia" websites

You can also talk in confidence to an adviser from eating disorders charity Beat by calling their helpline on 0845 634 1414. They also have a designated youth helpline on 0845 634 7650. There is also MGEDT (Men Get Eating Disorders Too!) http://mengetedstoo.co.uk/ that offer help and advice for men.

 From 12th May is also Mental Health Awareness Week where I will be looking at Mental Health and sharing my own experiances.