Thursday, 17 July 2014

To My Aunt

Here's Ferris again

Last Friday my Aunt lost her fight with the scum that is cancer, I am incredible mixed emotions about the whole thing. She increasingly and quickly got very ill towards the end and it is a relief that she is no longer suffering, but on the other hand I feel so much guilt that I didn't spend more time with her. 

I spent a many Saturday morning of my younger years at her house after my dance classes watching video tapes of The Simpson's that she had taped the previous week off of cable. She was a heavy smoker so the house was always filled with smoke and I complained constantly that I hated it. When I grew I no longer was obligated to go round and only saw her at family occasions (but she still taped The Simpson's until we got Sky ourselves).

She contracted Lung cancer about 4ish years ago after a medical, half a lung was removed and the smoking went. It wasn't until the beginning of the year that we were told it was back, she went under treatment but the cancer had already grabbed hold and she decided that she would rather nature takes it course rather than spend the rest of the time she had ill from treatment that might not even work.

We never did a formal goodbye, one day we went round, let her have cuddles with Beth and had a chat over tea. She was the same as she always been, opinionated, passionate but caring (complaining that the hospital can't get a bed right as it made noise during the night). My Aunt is extremely caring she spent all of the time I've known her being a carer for someone, my grandad, her partner, neighbours. 

I've been told in the funeral on Monday that there is 55 people confirmed as coming, which shows just how much influence she had. 

I cannot focus at the moment, I am completely numb to it all. I know Monday is going to be a long day with the out pouring of grief. I am very thankful that I have had Beth to focus on, she's doing so many new things that I cannot wait to write her update (it will be late as Monday is also her 6 months). Bear with me if I disappear off the radar for a while, thank you to all the companies I am working with who have been great when I've explained the situation. 

I will be hoovering around Twitter and reading blogs just because it's a great distraction from it all. Thank you to everyone who has sent wishes so far. Go and hug someone, tell them you love them, share a little love tonight.

"Keep your chin up, someday there will be happiness again. You’ll see. –Robin Hood"

1 comment:

  1. Oh Helen, I'm sorry for your loss. You're right, the turnout for her shows what a kick-ass woman she was, plus you'll always have reminders of her when you see The Simpsons <3


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