Superdrug BB Eye Cream*

I think that some emails have a great sense of timing, I got the email from Superdrug regrading their new BB eye cream after another sleepless night with Bethany (3.30am is not playtime). It claims to be a 5-in-1 product that conceals dark circles, smooths the appearance of fine lines, reduces puffiness/bags, hydrates and improves radiance. I was chomping at the bit to get my hands on this.

It comes in a thin tube with a brush at the end, I got sent the medium colour which I thought could of been too dark but actually blended into my skin really well. I used this under my eyes and at first glance my tired eyes did look concealed and illuminated. I left it a few hours before I looked again (this time at playgroup) and my puffiness had gone down and everything looked smoothed out. I bumped into some friends afterwards who asked the compulsory, "How are you?" question , I said I was tired and was told I did not look like it at all, I looked surprising well. One point to the BB Eye Cream.

It also lasted much of the day, when I took off my eye make up at the end of the night, it was still there to be removed. I found easy to use as the brush dispensed that right amount for each eye, it just needed a pat with a ring finger to blend in. Compare this to another magic wand, YSL Touche Eclat, and at £6.99 (compared to £25), it is a good value dupe. Exclusive to Superdrug.

*Product supplied for my review, opinion my own after use.

Bethany Update - Month 4

Beth is growing fast, we are now in the 4 month growth spurt where she develops and grows at such a rate she changes every week. She's now takes an interest in her toys and her favourite is this ball we got from Mothercare. She was crying her buggy one day and I pick this up to move it. Her eyes lit up and she stopped crying, I shook it near her and she reached out for it. How could I not buy it for her? Added bonus it was in the half price sale.

Beth is so aware of her surroundings now, if we are somewhere new she has to look around first before she smiles at people. Her evening thing to do is to watch me eat my dinner which bodes well for when we start weening on onto food. This will hopefully improve her weight as she is only still a small little girl at 10lbs and only just gone into 3-6 sleepsuits while in 0-3 for everything else.

The sleep patterns has changed that she does wake up at 3.30am every night, but goes straigh back to sleep after a change and a bottle. We do get days were she oly wants Mummy and any plans I have I cannot carry on as she wants my constant attention. This does affect most of my own time but I've learnt to just go with the flow and not plan anything but cuddles.

The most exciting bit as I write this is that a few hours ago she rolled onto her tummy for the first time. She didn't cry, just layed there and sucked her fingers. She did try to lean on her arms but got frustracted then cried. She also loves her baby massage classes, not for sleep but for the naked time!

Please Don't Vote for Me

It's that time in the blogging calender again where the whole of my Twitter/Facebook/Bloglovin feed is full of 'Vote for me' pleas. It's also the time that I want to go into hibernation until the whole thing blows over. It sends a wave of people begging for votes, then depression as they don't get nominated.

Just because you don't get nomiated it does not mean that what you write is not valued, you have people who read you every time you write, the people who want to work with you. This is the best time to reflect why you started your blog in the first place. I started this to occupy myself while I recover from a knee injury and now it is a record of my daughter as well as my sounding board.

Blogging should give you joy in itself and if it isn't then you should be reviewing if it is for you. Today I reviewed my Tots100 ranking and I had gone from 864 to 1201, yes I was upset and started to beat myself up on it. Hubby reminded me that I started this for me and not for follows, rankings, etc.

I know that I am a small fish in a very large pond and you know what I'm comfortable with that.

My Life with Anxiety

I was diagnosed with anxiety alongside depression about 3 years ago when I lost my job through injury. I was low in mood, found it hard to concentrate on anything as well start getting panic attacks when I wanted to leave the house. I was constantly worrying about money, our home, not being able to find work and this get escalated anything that would of been small into a huge deal to me.

In the end I realised I was sabotage myself in an endless cycle - I was applying for jobs, getting an interview but be so nervous I'd either completely fail it or cancel and never re-arrange. It affected my marriage and my relationship with my friends, in the end I felt I was on a downward slope and wanted a hand before it was too late.

I first of all went to my doctors, spoke about my thoughts and feelings as well as what I wanted going forward. I was set against medication as a first choice, I wanted to try other avenues before going down that road. I referred to NHS Health Minds where I was put on a computer based CBT course as well as regular contact with a counsellor over the phone. Through another charity called Blurt (blurtitout.org) I also got a email mentor that I can email whenever I need to.

I started getting really bad migraines this time last year, the worst was losing my memory and being rushed into hospital with a suspected stroke. I started getting them everyday and went instantly to my doctor who gave me  Propranolol beta blockers, which I found out later are also prescribed to treat anxiety too.

The next biggest anxiety milestone was when I found out I was pregnant, not only it was a joyous time but like any new mum I was anxious that I would be a good enough mum for my little one. As my maternity notes had that I had had a history of mental illness I was kept an eye on and always asked how I was coping. I also had a mental health assessment after birth to assess for PND (Post Natal Depression) as I was at higher risk.

I was told however that I was taking motherhood in my stride and in some cases I was told I looked like I had been doing it for years. This did not mean I did not get episodes, there were times where I would cry as I didn't know what was wrong with Beth. I do need reassurance like any new mum, I had to stop my beta blockers when I found out I was pregnant but have now returned back on them. They do help with the migraines and have noticed that my anxiety symptoms are less, however the side effects of nightmares and insomnia will be something I hope can decrease as I take them.

Mental Health Awareness Week

Anxiety is the most common mental disorder. A low level of anxiety for short periods of time say for a job interview is healthy. When we talk about anxiety as a mental health issue it is when a fear of a perceived threat or worry is ongoing and life consuming. 

Chronic anxiety can affect concentration,  damage relationships and stop people from leaving the house. It is something that is not a trivial issue,  anxiety can stop you living life but is treatable. 

Spotting anxiety and its affects is the first step. There are both physical and psychological symptoms:

Physical

 –Rapid and/or irregular heartbeat

– Fast breathing

– Weakened/tense muscles

– Sweating

– Churning stomach/loose bowels

– Dizziness

– Dry mouth

Psychology

 – Feeling worried all the time

– Trouble sleeping

– Lack of concentration

– Feeling irritable

– Feeling depressed

– Loss of self-confidence

 It is hard to live with anxiety, its all about you controlling it rather than it controlling you. It is not a matter of deciding that you will not be anxious anymore, There are many charities that offer simple and piratical resources if and when you choose to receive help with how to handle live with anxiety. 

Mental Health Foundation - mentalhealth.org.uk

Anxiety UK - anxietyuk.org.uk

Anxiety Care -  anxietycare.org.uk

Be Mindful -  bemindful.co.uk

Mind - Mind.org.uk

Tomorrow I will talk about my journey with anxiety, being a new mum with it and how I am coping now.

Eating Disorders in Formula One and How To Spot it Yourself

Tucked amonest the news headlines and race resuts was this, "F1 driver admits he starved himself so badly he had to be treated in hospital after team bosses urge race stars to lose weigh" (Daily Mail 7th April 2014). Jean-Eric Vergne admitted that he was admitted to hospital after the opening race in Australia after a strict weight loss regieme ordered by his Toro Rosso team to comply with the new strict FIA ruling on the total weight of driver and car combined.

The drivers have criticised that FIA that the minmum 692 kg is far too low. Tall drivers like Adrian Sutil will refuse to drive races without a water bottle, risking his health with the high hidimities in the car. 

Nico Rosberg has started dieting to keep his edge, 'I had to make the sacrifice if I want to balance the car perfectly,' he said. 'The diet alone is easy, but training with little food is hell,' Rosberg told Germany's Bild am Sonntag. 'I have eaten no sugar since early December -- for my dream I'm living like a monk'.

This is however nothing new, the increase of eating disorders in males are on the increase due to pressure of society on our lives. Eating disorders are the same as mental disorders - they do not discriminate between gender, race, etc. A high protion of men do not reconise or seek help for them so the statitstics on men is as consistants as women, where it is more reconised quicker and more treatment geared towards.

If you answer two or more 'yes' below then it is recommended to see you GP (Take from NHs Choices website and will be the same that they will use):

• Sick: Do you ever make yourself sick because you feel uncomfortably full?
• Control: Do you worry you have lost control over how much you eat?
• One stone: Have you recently lost more than one stone (six kilograms) in a three-month period?
• Fat: Do you believe yourself to be fat when others say you are too thin?
• Food: Would you say that food dominates your life?

 What to look for in people you are concerned about

• missing meals
• complaining of being fat, even though they have a normal weight or are underweight
• repeatedly weighing themselves and looking at themselves in the mirror
• making repeated claims that they have already eaten, or they will shortly be going out to eat somewhere else
• cooking big or complicated meals for other people, but eating little or none of the food themselves
• only eating certain low-calorie foods in your presence, such as lettuce or celery
• feeling uncomfortable or refusing to eat in public places, such as a restaurant
• the use of "pro-anorexia" websites

You can also talk in confidence to an adviser from eating disorders charity Beat by calling their helpline on 0845 634 1414. They also have a designated youth helpline on 0845 634 7650. There is also MGEDT (Men Get Eating Disorders Too!) http://mengetedstoo.co.uk/ that offer help and advice for men.

 From 12th May is also Mental Health Awareness Week where I will be looking at Mental Health and sharing my own experiances.

My Breastfeeding Journey

If you have gathered that this might contain TMI for some people. I had previuosly touched on trying to breastfeed in The Aftermath (Birth Story Part 2) but I wanted to go into it on it's own.

While I was pregnant I was adiment that I would, I went to the ante-natal rtraining, had all the leaflets and read all the books. To me it would be the best thing I could do my child, as well as bonding with them. I knew that it could take me a while to get used to it and was excited to be 'Mummy' to my little child.

As I previously spoke about in When Minilemming Became Bethany (Birth Story Part 1) my labour was not a smooth ride and ended wtih having an emergency kelland forcep delivery. It didn't matter, I made it clear that I wanted them to do anything possible to ensure that Bethany and I were as healthy as possible and they did that.

Here we were and I was asked if I wanted to feed her, I don't think I could of rushed my boob out as quickly as I did. The midwife helped me to try and latch her on, but Beth screamed and cried. During this time the Paediatric doctor had come after seeing Beth's blood results, they were concerned about her white blood count after being inside so long after my waters broke and showed signs of distress. The Midwife was reassuring me this is why she doesn't want to for now as she's not feeling very well and everythings a shock.

We both got wheeled to the labour ward, and then Beth went off the neonatal to get her IV put in (which failed, they had to inject her instead which distressed her more). She was gone for 3 hours, as soon as she was back I tried again, as I was on bed rest the Midwives stayed with me so in case I needed them. Beth still wouldn't feed - we would latch her on, but she would suck and just dribble it out. We would repeat this until she would fall asleep.

I was frantic throughout the night, it would repeat again and again, she gave me a small piece of hope at 2am when she did actually suck more than once, but only to dribble it back out again. Early moring I was in tears in my cubicle, my daughter had not really eaten since she was born and I was distressed that she unwell. The midwives all gathered to speak to me, give her a bottle, get some food into her and we will try again on the next feed.

The next feed we tried to hand express, basically it's massaging the breast to get the milk to come out and then you collect it into a springe to give to baby. I massaged until they were bruised but so little came out, and still we were latching but not interested. I was released home, still eager to do this, still eager to do anything and everything.

We stopped for formula, bottles and teats as we had got nothing at home to feed her with. The first night was torture, trying to get her to latch while waiting for a bottle to cool while she sceams was heartbreaking. She guzzled those bottles like I would take them away any minute.

The midwive arrived the next day and got in touch with a breastfeeding expert to visit me around an afternoon feed. I was doing everything correctly but no one could tell me why Beth cries everytime she went near a breast. I even sat one night for hours torturing my now sore breasts trying to manually squeezing them. By this time even my ppor breasts had given up and it was getting harder to get milk.

A week after leaving hospital I threw in the towel, Beth was starting to thrive on formula and I was really stressed and not enjoying the time with my girl. After doing some research it was the stress of the birth that could of hindered things and it also never crossed my mind that my baby just didn't want to breast feed.

Beth is now a happy, thriving baby who loves her bottles. She is, according to the guidelines, on the small side but is feeding consistantly the correct amount so they are monitoring but not overly concerned. For me, the decision to stop was the best I made, I now love the quiet feeding time with Beth, she stares at me with those big blue eyes and I know I have done the best for her.

NOTD - Essie's Bikini So Teeny

Who remembers when this was the varnish to wear in the Summer of 2012? Who remembers struggling to get hold it? Me too. Fast forward a few months later and I find it on Fragrance Direct for £1.99, so this and a few other were added to my collection.

Inspired by the ocean and crystal blue skies it was the top selling polish of the 2012 Summer season and one of Essie's top 5 top selling colours. The cornflower blue has a sightliest of subtle shimmers, it screams of Summer time. It also up to Essie's high standard of polish for formulation and wear. I have one slight grumble, it start to separate a lot quicker than other ones I've had before whether this was because of storage or the nature of the colour, I don't know.

Is now part of permanent range RRP £7.99