HelpStopMe Online Depression Course

As I started to process the departure of my aunt passing away, I started my online course with HelpStopMe for depression. As a previous sufferer I knew that bereavement can be a trigger and wanted to be one step ahead for a change.

The owner, Mike Nichols used his family experience to see that there was a gap in the market for people who needed affordable help instantly. I, myself have come across this previously, when i was first diagnosed with depression 7 years ago I couldn't get help through the NHS and had to go private. Not only was it expensive (at £30 an hour) but also the waiting list for weeks until gap came free. Things have improved slightly but being able to access the help you need when you need it is vital, leave it for weeks and I find that momentum can disappear. 

Anything that can mean that a person can access affordable treatment is a welcome, this is where HelpStopMe steps in.

I was enrolled onto the Depression course which is split into 21 small segments. Each of these is led by one of the Cogitative Behaviour therapists through video while underneath you can add online notes and track how you are feeling. I am a fan of the online note system, for someone who can easily lose/throw away bits of paper it's perfect to have everything in one spot that is also secure. The site is also clean and simple so this makes it easy to use and work round.

Previously I have used Beating the Blues, this is the NHS online system that they use for referral. In comparison I did find this more easier to to use, I also like that this is more bite sized, you can do as many sections as you want while the NHS is more structured with homework to do away from the computer. I liked the fact that once the programme is shut down you can take time away from it rather than feeling you are at school.

I found the skills learnt in the programme could be easily transferred into everyday life. After a few weeks of doing sessions every couple of days, my mood did improve and I felt that I could cope with each day better and better. The to do list I had didn’t phase me anymore and started to feel more optimistic.

HelpStopMe is available through their website with the course costing £39.99 currently (that works out at £1.90 for each section), I've also noticed there is also support version for people who live with sufferers at £29.99, as well as other mental health sections like anxiety being available soon.

*Access was granted for exchange of review, opinions and experience are my own.

A Weight Issue 3 and Aniexty Update

 I decided to put these together as they have recently gone hand in hand during the past few months.

Regular readers would know that I my Aunt passed away at the end of July after her fight with cancer. This was a trigger for the start of the roller coaster of the past few months. I decided to self refer to my local mental health place, You can read the start of that in Hello Anxiety, My Old Friend. In my grief I stopped giving a damn about my eating habits and health, this lead to me eating my feelings rather than dealing with them.

It wasn't until I was half way through my treatment that I decided to weigh myself again. I had put on a stone in two months (13 stone 6lbs), I just wasn't surprised but the key reason I did weight myself is that I was ready to try and get myself back on track. I know my biggest downfall was just eating for the sake of eating and what ever I wanted rather than what I needed. I stopped going out and thus stop exercising, I now have cleaned off our static bike so at least if I'm struggling to get out I can get some exercise at home.

My treatment is progressing, I am happy to say that in the next few weeks my one-to-one time will be coming to a close and I will be on self treatment. I have been using a private self treatment programme, which I will be posting a review of in the next few days. With anxiety I will never be 'cured', it is all a matter of rethinking how I process situations and taking each day as it comes.

Thank you all for the ongoing support.

Hello Aniexty, my old friend

 

You will have to bear with me on this post, it's the one I've been putting off for a while but until I started the journey I didn't feel right enough to talk about it.

Last week I had it confirmed that my anxiety was official back with low moods thrown in for good measure. Since, Beth has been born my moods have not been consistent and I put this down to after birth hormones, then going back on to the pill. My life has also not be consistent: with a new baby, Hubby getting/losing/getting work, money not being consistent, my aunt that I was close to passing away and feeling claustrophobic in our flat because I spend a lot of time in it.

This all came to a head about two weeks back the Thursday before my BIL' s wedding, I was washing baby bottles and suddenly felt I was drowning and the walls were caving in. I couldn't breathe and I just thinking that everything was too much, I knew full well I well I was in the midst of a panic attack, my first in several years. Looking back, I had been out of sorts for nearly a week, very spaced out, not able to concentrate and just having no motivation to do more than the bare minimum to ensure that Beth is looked after.

After the wonderful weekend, I decided that I am not as happy or as myself as I am and thought I do a self referral back to where I did my previous treatment. If they think I'm fine then at least I've got myself 'checked' and that is that. The form wants to know my previous mental health history (Briefly - Depression 2005 treated with face-to-face sessions, Depression/Anxiety 2011 treated with computer training), how I am feeling now and what situations am I struggling with. This is then sent off to my referral people (I'm part of Bucks NHS which run Healthy Minds as their mental health treatment system), and a few days later got a phone call from them to speak through the form and see how they can help. They also gave me my results of the tests on the forms.

They concluded that my anxiety was very high and that my moods were low producing a circle that I was finding it hard to get out of. They offered telephone counselling so I did not have to worry about finding someone to babysit Beth and feel comfortable in my own home. They also asked my HV to give me a visit as part of my worrying is how I am looking after Beth as her weight was still an issue which causes me panic of am I feeding her enough? I had this visit on the Monday, she was happy with Beth's development even though her weight has dipped. The Thursday following was my first session with my counsellor.

We did the tests again (they use these to measure progress so I will have these every time), and went over what she is there for as well as my history and just letting me talk on why I asked for help. At the time Beth was in her high chair next to me, gurgling away after lunch, I know without having her then I will be in bed feeling sorry for myself. This, of course, this upset me, not only am I doing this for me but for Beth so her Mummy can be there for her. At the moment I have a scheduled appointment with her once a week as well working through workbooks during the week.

I did see my doctor, through Healthy Minds they got me an appointment the same day and discussed treatment going forward. I have turned down medication, I am very mixed on using medication after having some migraine beta blockers that were also anti-anxiety pills. I took these for two months and I woke up screaming in sweats, thinking that Bethany was not breathing. I know that they are there if I need them, I also have a note on my file to say that if I request an appointment to have one as soon as possible (which is my doctors is a blessing!).

The moment I emailed the referral over I felt a weight has lifted, I'm saying that things are back to normal, we have a long way before I can say that, but they starting to feel on the right path.

My Life with Anxiety

I was diagnosed with anxiety alongside depression about 3 years ago when I lost my job through injury. I was low in mood, found it hard to concentrate on anything as well start getting panic attacks when I wanted to leave the house. I was constantly worrying about money, our home, not being able to find work and this get escalated anything that would of been small into a huge deal to me.

In the end I realised I was sabotage myself in an endless cycle - I was applying for jobs, getting an interview but be so nervous I'd either completely fail it or cancel and never re-arrange. It affected my marriage and my relationship with my friends, in the end I felt I was on a downward slope and wanted a hand before it was too late.

I first of all went to my doctors, spoke about my thoughts and feelings as well as what I wanted going forward. I was set against medication as a first choice, I wanted to try other avenues before going down that road. I referred to NHS Health Minds where I was put on a computer based CBT course as well as regular contact with a counsellor over the phone. Through another charity called Blurt (blurtitout.org) I also got a email mentor that I can email whenever I need to.

I started getting really bad migraines this time last year, the worst was losing my memory and being rushed into hospital with a suspected stroke. I started getting them everyday and went instantly to my doctor who gave me  Propranolol beta blockers, which I found out later are also prescribed to treat anxiety too.

The next biggest anxiety milestone was when I found out I was pregnant, not only it was a joyous time but like any new mum I was anxious that I would be a good enough mum for my little one. As my maternity notes had that I had had a history of mental illness I was kept an eye on and always asked how I was coping. I also had a mental health assessment after birth to assess for PND (Post Natal Depression) as I was at higher risk.

I was told however that I was taking motherhood in my stride and in some cases I was told I looked like I had been doing it for years. This did not mean I did not get episodes, there were times where I would cry as I didn't know what was wrong with Beth. I do need reassurance like any new mum, I had to stop my beta blockers when I found out I was pregnant but have now returned back on them. They do help with the migraines and have noticed that my anxiety symptoms are less, however the side effects of nightmares and insomnia will be something I hope can decrease as I take them.

Mental Health Awareness Week

Anxiety is the most common mental disorder. A low level of anxiety for short periods of time say for a job interview is healthy. When we talk about anxiety as a mental health issue it is when a fear of a perceived threat or worry is ongoing and life consuming. 

Chronic anxiety can affect concentration,  damage relationships and stop people from leaving the house. It is something that is not a trivial issue,  anxiety can stop you living life but is treatable. 

Spotting anxiety and its affects is the first step. There are both physical and psychological symptoms:

Physical

 –Rapid and/or irregular heartbeat

– Fast breathing

– Weakened/tense muscles

– Sweating

– Churning stomach/loose bowels

– Dizziness

– Dry mouth

Psychology

 – Feeling worried all the time

– Trouble sleeping

– Lack of concentration

– Feeling irritable

– Feeling depressed

– Loss of self-confidence

 It is hard to live with anxiety, its all about you controlling it rather than it controlling you. It is not a matter of deciding that you will not be anxious anymore, There are many charities that offer simple and piratical resources if and when you choose to receive help with how to handle live with anxiety. 

Mental Health Foundation - mentalhealth.org.uk

Anxiety UK - anxietyuk.org.uk

Anxiety Care -  anxietycare.org.uk

Be Mindful -  bemindful.co.uk

Mind - Mind.org.uk

Tomorrow I will talk about my journey with anxiety, being a new mum with it and how I am coping now.

Hypnobirthing/Self Hypnosis

I have previously spoken about my own history of anixety (Hope You're OK and Guest posting on Amy's Blog ) Anything unknown does friengten me so this as well as the unknown of being pregnant is an interesting combination.

I started to look into Hypnotherapy after reading an article in Mother & Baby. Hypnobirthing uses a mixture of positive thinking, visualization, breathing techniques and physical preparation. It embraces that our body knows what it is doing naturally and that we should trust our bodies to do what comes to them.

It does not promise a pain free birth but offers more coping strategies if you wish to go along the route of natural birth. It supports the notion that the more relaxed you are in birth the easier and quicker that your labour will be. This does not exclude anyone who wants intervention as it provides the basis of calm so you can stay relaxed and focused. This means that you can make the correct decision for you and baby.

The pleasant thing about Hypnobirthing is that you can tailor to what works best with yourself. I use visual techniques through mediation led through an MP3. I downloaded mine here There is an a in depth book as well by Marie Morgan which is worth a read. I got mine from eBay for around £8, and picked up the CD's for around £7. This gives me 25 minutes of me time to lie down, relax and bonding time with Minilemming. I also use the birthing techniques for when I am feeling anxious and have been using them during the Braxton Hick contractions that I am currently getting.

The biggest revelation for me is that I do feel less anxious about birth, yes I am nervous, any first time mother would be. I feel much more in control of my body, I trust it to do what is right at the time. I also found that I worry less with any twinges. I sleep a lot more better after a session with the MP3, my dreams are less vivid but I still have to get up for bathroom breaks.

The biggest test will be when, hopefully, Bubba decides to arrive that I can put these skills into practice.

Getting Back My Get Up and Go

As you have read before the past few months have been a real strain on my body. I've have been lacking in energy, feeling constantly tired and relying more on sugar/caffeine drinks more than before. I was exchanging emails with Kerry, one of the founders of Nature's Heathbox,  and mentioned this to her. She recommended that I try these as they have benefitted one of her family, and sent me two months worth to see if they were any use to me.

After doing a little search around on the benefits it sounded like something I really would benefit me: Increases stamina and energy, soothes nerves (recommended with people who suffer anxiety), strengthens immune system and enhanced sexual function (not that I need this but it raised an eyebrow with the husband). Like with any supplement I made sure that it wouldn't affect anything I was already taking, after the all clear I started taking these one day after meals.

After a few days I did notice a energy change, while I was still a little tired I was reaching less for the stimulates. After a week I did fell a increase in my energy levels, I did literally have a spring in my step. I was less stressed and felt I could handle more than before. I am now a month later and I still have the energy levels of before. My immune system has taken a beating, I am currently writing this from being wrapped up in a duvet with a viral infection, however I do feel I will bounce back from this sooner than I would normally (I'm on day two of this and normally I wouldn't be up, dressed and typing).

This for me has worked and as the for the enhance sexual function - you'll need to ask my husband about that one.

Many thanks again to the fabulous team at Nature's Healthbox