Pearls of the First Few Months Newborn Wisdom

It's taken me a little longer to write this one as I was toying how to write it. You see only YOU know the best for YOUR child. If you take one piece advice you can take away from this is this: Trust your instincts and trust your gut. It will be 9 times out of 10, be the right decision. As they lyirc's of Baz Luhrmann's Everybody's Free (to Wear Sunscreen, "Whereas the rest of my advice has no basis or reliable, than my own meandering experience, I will dispense this advice now"

Only a few minutes old

Forget to doing any housework that wasn't done during the nesting period, there is a little person that needs you attention (and believe me even if they are asleep you will be watching them). I spent most of this time living on anything that can either been eaten one handed, miscrowaved or my personal favourite, scrabbled egg on wholemeal toast done by Husband.

Never, ever refuse help, even if it is someone to hold them for five minutes to go to the bathroom. My MIL used to take her off of me Friday nights just so I could have a hot meal.

Discuss with your partner how you are running care, and make sure he knows he WILL be helping. We worked it out as follows (Exclusively bottle feed):

Between 4am - 6am: I would feed Beth then she would go to sleep, I would go back to bed.
Between 7am - 9am: Hubby will then get up and feed her
Between 11am - 1pm: I would get up and feed, as she got older this was also play time
Then I would look after her until evening when Hubby would take over so I can prepare dinner.
9pm: I would go to bed and Hubby will stay up with her.
1am: Shift swap, Hubby goes to bed, I do next feed.

I will not deny the following: You will feel tired, you will get frustrated and, as much as you love them, you will wonder why you did this. It is all normal, however if it gets to the point that it goes beyond these thoughts then reaching out for help is the best way. I am not ashamed to say that Beth has been taken off of me when the signs have been there that I could not cope.

Items I wish I had brought sooner

Dr. Browns Natural FLow Bottles - I have reviewed these before here and are still one my best investments.

Mothercare Fabric Bath Support £9.99 - Beth loves splashing in the the water and I was having many issues keeping hold of a slippery baby. You put this into a normal or baby bath and baby sits on top, you can also pull of the fabric when done and put into washing machine. Stress no more.

Playmat - I got mine 99p from eBay, it had a few marks on the bars and was local pick up only. This has to be the best 99p I've ever spent, Beth is on it nearly everyday batting toys and (trying) to roll around.

First time on playmat

Bouncher - Another eBay bargain at £4.50, great for strapping her in when I need the loo. The Mama and Papa's one I have has a vibrate and music, enough distraction while doing work. I also sit her in this if she wants to face me to gurgle at or watch the world go by.

Things you can never have enough of

Wipes - Getting poo off with cotton wool is impossible.
Muslins - Wiping everything, everywhere, everytime (I have found that Sainsbury are the largest, 5 for £6, comes in grey, blue, and pink).
Bibs - Keeping clothes clean from newborn
Sleepsuits - For various reasons, most of time because of poo.

Pearls of Labour Wisdom

As with Pregnancy wisdom, this is the advice I can pass on from my own excperiance, this is not a suppliment for professional advice. Please be aware this may contain too much information for people with sensitive stomachs.

Hospital Bag

I took the wash bag below, and I used the toothbrush, toothpaste, hairbrush and deodorant from it. For yourself I would say keep it simple and take the bare minimum you feel you will need, I did take shower stuff but struggled to get away for longer than a toilet break let alone a shower. I also packed my bag thinking I would be out after 6 hours of labour because I kept being told that it would be all straight forward, also thinking I'd be closer to home that if we need anything its 5 minutes car drive away. I ended up 30 minutes away after having to go to hospital rather than a birthing centre.

For you and baby pack for at least a few days, your newborn will work they way through LOTS of clothes/nappies in the first days of this life, my husband had to go back twice to bring me more (I was in hospital for 3 days). Maternity pads - yes they are ugly but think how many you need then double it, I also used mine around my due date in case my waters broke (Mothercare I found the best value, a pack of 48 for £4.99 and usually on 3 for 2).

If you have old knickers wear them as you will bleed though clothes after birth, it has 9 months of stuff to get rid of! I used disposal knickers for this time, they are HUGE but stopped me worrying about ruining good underwear. I also wore my hospital gown during my stay, but please take your own PJ's (dark colours are best) it will make you feel better in an alien environment.

This then leads into...

What to take for labour

By the time you will get to hospital (as my Midwives kept telling me to stay at home) there is actually not a lot you don't need and the hospital provides the pain killers you'll be longing for. I did take Rescue Remedy with me to soothe stress, but for labour itself I was concentrating too hard on coping with the pain to eat and I was fine with water.  Do not forget the camera or phone charger!

What contractions feel like?

The pain is different, it doesn't last long but it is intense and like it says in the books, it is like a strong period pain. They come in waves, most of the time as soon as they come, they have gone. By the time that they are really intense you will be having the correct pain killer to help you cope. When mine came I kept in mind my Hypnobrthing training, breathed through them and kept in mind, "This will pass", chanting it in my head until it has passed. If you want quiet during this time, make sure you say, it'll give you one less thing to get stressed about!

Active Birth

This is where you are going to have baby. What I didn't realise is that I thought 2 pushes and we're done. Nope, not even close, you will have to push with every contraction for a while as you have to squeeze baby round the U-bend in your body and this takes a while, but get that head out and it is one more push to baby. They will give you 2 hours of pushing between they intervine, by this time I was tired and getting distressed so was baby. Trust the advice you are given, they have you and your baby's health at the heart. I had a birth plan and the first sentence was, "Do whatevere is required for the health of me and my baby." the rest is merely a request that never happened. My last bit of advice here is, trust your body and what it is telling you, because it is easier to work with it than against it.

Afterwards

Things will be a blur of activity, regardless of what labour you have. You will have to deliver what your baby has been living on the past few months, this is one push and done because of the birth I had I didn't even known this had happened until it was taken away. You will be exausted but adrenaline pumped, I didn't sleep for 24 hours after birth as I was in so much of a daze. Please make sure you eat something as soon as possible to get your energy levels back, nd that first cup of tea is one of the best you will have!

Stitches

The aftermarth of something largish coming out of something small is that you are likely to tear, I was unlucky I was cut because I had to have help with the forceps; I ended up with 20 stitches. Before your first wee, drink lots and lots of water, this was my saving grace as it didn't sting as it was really diluted with my drinking. Air them for as much time as you can get daily and pat them dry after every wee. Most important - DO PELVIC FLOOR SQUEEZES as soon as it feels comfortable. I am now fully healed with no sign of stitches because of this.

Best apps to have for labour

Contraction Timer by James Ots

It's nothing fancy - push a button to start and push one to finsih, will list the time of length as well as the gao inbetween. Perfect for when the Midwife will ask you about timings. 

I also played a lot of Mahjong Solitaire to pass the time and distract.

Labour is scary and exciting, I put my full trust into the team that looked after me, I was cared for and came away with the most beautiful daughter that I am ever grateful for. I cannot thank the team at Stoke Mandeville enough for their care and patience.

What would people like to add for newly new mums?

Pearls of Pregnancy Wisdom

Pearls of Pregnancy Wisdom is advice I wanted to pass on from my own experience. This does not replace professional help, your Midwife/GP is your best help in any circumstances (I called my midwife many times at strange times of the night and they were always helpful). It is better to get things look at rather than worry as it will not do you or baby any good.

Tiredness

And you will be tired, your body is creating a small person and needs all the energy it can get. I underestimated how worn out I would be in my 3rd trimester and planned to do all my cleaning/preparation then, in the end it was a panic to get everything set up for Bethany in time (even at 12 days late). I would have a lie in in the morning, nap mid afternoon for up to 2 hours and still climb into bed at about 11pm.

Rest

You will go crazy with everyone telling you to rest, it did for me, but you are going to need those reserves for when your newborn comes along. Get some books, magazines, DVD Box Sets and put your (swollen) feet up. You will miss you 'me time'.

'Maintence'

Go and get hair cut, eyebrows done, etc. Because when newborn is here you will not have time to even consider doing any of this done. Also get a simple haircut that looks good washed and needs little maintence afterwards so it can be styled quickly. 

Spending time with the Other Half

In hindsight I'd wish I had put my foot down about spending more time with husband before Beth came along, we are now ships that pass in the night, as one person finishes the night shift the other is starting. We are both currently very tired which does hinder any romance, so spending that large amount of time together before baby will only strengthen you when they are here.

You do not need to spend a fortune

You honesty do not, we had a extremely limited budget to get baby bits and we have survived on the basics. We made sure that baby had transport, somewhere to sleep, somewhere to be changed and changed into. We had a lot of gifts of toys and clothes, Beth's wardrobe looks far better than mine and she is roughly kitted out for the next year at least. If it is something you want but it doesn't fit in the budget, ask for it as a gift. I really wanted a Ewan the Sleepsheep after reading reviews but even second hand they were nearly full price, my mum brought me this in the end after hearing about it.

Become friends with EBay, Preloved and NCT Nearly New Sales

Put that free time to good use and stalk stuff on these sites, I got my Mama & Papa's bouncher for £4.50 from eBay, My Travel System for £30 from Preloved, and Baby Monitor for £7 from NCT sales. I also used the free time to sell items I didn't want with the understanding that it was for either maternity clothes for me or baby stuff for Beth. I spent a lot of rest time on my tablet!

Best Pregnancy Books

What to Expect When You're Expecting - Heidi E. Murkoff and Sharon Mazel

Breaks everything down month by month, is detailed but it was my most referred to book out of all the pregnancy ones I had. Also contains the pre-conception advice, as well as covers all different kinds of pregnancy like multiples and if things do not go to plan. A must have.

Hypnobirthing: The Breakthrough to Safer, Easier, More Comfortable Childbirth

I have previously written about Hypnobirthing before and found it a huge help towards my anxiety about labour, they do recommend to start in pregnancy so when you do go into labout then its automatic. I was told by my midwives I was calm and I had very little pain relief until I was fully dilated. I'm even told now as a first time mum that I am very calm, and I do think this was a huge help. I still practice it exercises today.

Minus Nine to One: The Diary of an Honest Mumby Jools Oliver

A second hand book shop find and just what I needed, wonderfully written and honest. It charts from trying to their mass of children, offering insight and advice. It does includes some gorgeous shots of her and Jamie's children. Love this and don't want to part with it.

Best Pregnancy App (That are free!)

Baby Centre Pregnancy Tracker

Tracks your pregnancy day by day, offering tips, things to do, things to consider and funny insights. There is also check lists so you can make sure that things are being done, as well as being able to search the site for information. I constantly referred to this for everything, from baby growth to labour syntoms. I fully recommend registering on the forums, joining your birth club and chatting to other mums that are due the same time as you - it was a huge support. A Must have app.

If you can take one thing away from this is that if you are ever in doubt, call your Midwife and don't ever think it's something silly, sometimes your instinct is 100% right.

So Mums what would you add?